april 6-11 poetry

 

april 6, 2017

 

shopping list

rubber boots to wade through salty tears

an umbrella to keep off any emotional downpour

glasses to see the truth through dreams and hopes

pomegranates bc they taste delicious and my soul needs that

a chest of dreams to inspire my heart again

a box of watercolors to paint my mind brighter

earbuds to shut out this lonely world with music

bandaids to cover the cuts in other people’s souls

 

 

april 7, 2017

 

my favorite clothes

slowly start to tear

first my flannel shirt

with the hole

in the elbow

next my comfy jeans

with rip in the knee

maybe next will be

my hopes and dream

those scary

silhouettes

 

 

april 8, 2017

 

the city skyline

is built of power

and determination

both of which

tend to scare me

but glass panes

and steel

form

jagged diamonds

that will never fade

from the memory

stuck in my head.

 

 

april 9,2017

they walk

hand in hand

along the road

oblivious to it all

only looking at each other

staring into each

other’s eyes

a tiny family of

two and a half

and inside my soul

i feel a twinge of happiness

like a sip of tea

on a rainy day

or a footprint

in clean, crystal snow,

a brick wall over grown

with ivy and nostalgia,

soft green grass

under bare toes,

and i smile.

 

 

april 10, 2017

 

each breath

lasts a millisecond longer

than the one before

and my eyes

are trying to close

against the chaos

in front of me

 

maybe learning you

would let me understand

what it is

i’m missing

 

or maybe you’d see

just how selfish

i am

if you ever bothered to

learn me back

 

and i’m sure

you don’t care

not about me anyway

and if i’m right

please don’t trick me

into thinking you do

unless

you’re confused

too

 

 

april 11, 2017

 

you said

to write

 

i told you

i’d written out

all the chaos

 

and now all i’m left with

is inky confusion

and


an echoing heart

 

-dedh // april 7-11, 2017

anatomy

my soul is
a wildfire
consuming
burning
destroying

my heart is
a wanderer
incessantly
searching for the fullness
it felt when it
was younger

my eyes are
constellations
lost in the starry dreams
i once held inside me

my arms are
crossbows
attempting to shoot
love
into the souls
of every human
within reach

my lips are
raindrops
that try to fill
the void
left by
pain
and pain
and pain

my hands are broken
remnants of every
tear
scream
heart
and dream
i tried to hold
onto

 

-dedh // april 5, 2017

april 4 // poem

i write the same

poem

over and over

 

a different pile

of half-wasted words

crumbling

at my feet and

until i find

the combination that

i crave

that broken jumble

of heartache

and salt water

is only

going

to grow

 

-dedh  // april 4, 2017

april 2 and 3

the light fades
from your eyes
i can see childhood
ebbing away from your soul
but don’t let go
cling tight
cling tight
cling tight
for the love you have now
is lifeblood
in an otherwise
dreary world
-dedh // april 2, 2017

 

you told me i was worthy
of all the love in the world
you told me i deserved the sky
you told me to follow my heart
for surely my heart knows best
you told me i had all i needed inside me
you lied to me

i’m a mess
some say i shouldn’t say that
but it’s my truth
i’m a mess
and if i’m not
i should be
i’m not a perfect picture of happiness
but a snapshot of depravity
i’m a failure
i’m unworthy
i’m ugly
i’m useless
i’m nothing

until Him

when Light touched my life
oh, how things changed

when weakness drew me to Him
He reached down and gave me strength
to stand again
when i lay before Him
worthless and pointless
He gave grace and love and
stretched out His hand to me
when i say i am a mess
it’s because without Him
i’m a mess
and i need Someone to clean me up
I’m a mess
and i can rejoice because if i wasn’t
tangled and broken
there wouldn’t be any reason
to need Him.
-dedh // april 3

it’s national poetry month so i’m writing 30 poems and here is the first one… which i should have posted a few days ago

sleep calls again
the numbness
of dying to it all
is growing once more
my eyes close
i try in vain
to stay awake
every breath i take
is slow and weak
the world is tugging me
to sleep
to rest
to drift without a thought

to wander

aimlessly

and i follow

numbly

but i hear
a voice
a strong, calm voice
calling out to me

my eyelids stir
my mind turns again
i shake my sleeping limbs
and
hands lift me
from the realm of dreams

“please don’t let me
fall asleep,”
i whisper to Him. 

 

-dedh // April 1, 2017